God Awful Things

I was once informed of the fact that the pope’s chair has a hole in the bottom so that the cardinals, or whomever, can grab the popes balls and verify he is a man and not a woman… This due to Pope Joan

John Anglicus, born at Mainz, was pope for two years, seven months and four days, and died in Rome, after which there was a vacancy in the papacy of one month. It is claimed that this John was a woman, who as a girl had been led to Athens dressed in the clothes of a man by a certain lover of hers. There she became proficient in a diversity of branches of knowledge, until she had no equal, and afterwards in Rome, she taught the liberal arts and had great masters among her students and audience. A high opinion of her life and learning arose in the city, and she was chosen for pope. While pope, however, she became pregnant by her companion. Through ignorance of the exact time when the birth was expected, she was delivered of a child while in procession from St Peter’s to the Lateran, in a lane once named Via Sacra (the sacred way) but now known as the “shunned street” between the Colisseum and St Clement’s church.

Recently I was told of the 42 Midgets vs 1 Lion.. this provided a great source of entertainment… what other things would I like to see 42 midgets fight, a killer whale, a hippo, a freshwater alligator… how sad that it is false.. Well, I mean, its good that they didn’t die, but something else did die, a little magic left in this world.. 

Oh well, at least we still have Cambodian Zombies

So, I was reading about that supposed evidence of the Zodiac Killer being turned into the FBI and started doing my usual google, wikipedia wandering of the internet when I came upon the Texarkana serial killer in the 40’s known as the “Phantom Killer” 

Two days later, a man’s body was found on train tracks north of Texarkana. Some reporters speculated that the man, Earl McSpadden, was the Phantom and that he had committed suicide. However, following the coroner’s report of May 7 it was revealed that McSpadden had been stabbed to death before his body was put on the tracks, leading some to believe that McSpadden was another victim of the Phantom.

Think about it..

Ever wondered how much Jesus the Catholics make a year?

From Everything2:

In the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation, theeucharist actually becomes the blood and body of Jesus Christ. We can’t forget to account for all of that additional biomass in calculations; I’ve done some new ones below.

This is getting good.

Ok, wonderful, now we know how about many atoms of Jesus are created every time somebody takes communion. This by itself means little as communion is taken every day all over the world. 

it’s good to read the whole thing, but this sums up the math equation

Interestingly, but somewhat off topic, transubstantiation means that eventually the earth’s entire biomass will be made out of Jesus. Assuming the 2.035*10^-8 percent change stays constant, it will be (100 / 2.035*10^-8) = 4.91 billion years until that happens. If the sun hasn’t killed us off by that time, the environmental balance change due to all of that extra oxygenand calcium probably will.

So there you have it…

It was the ever wise Wayne Campbell who famously said “mookalokakiki… come on you wanna lay me..pass the joint ahoima..mahola”

ITEM: I’m sure we all read celebrity blogs, I can tell because my own blog is a well known site for such juicy gossip.  Last week some pictures were making the rounds of Selma Blair on the set of this new tv show, deliberately decked out in a hideous number, but the real question people wanted to know is.. who is that dude checking out her ass?

Well yours truly was privy enough to attend a party last night and whom should be there?!?! 

And look what they were doing…

We’ll keep you posted on any more sightings..

I’ve been busy at work lately and haven’t had much blogging time, maybe I’d have more it time were a cube?
Time Cube

prepare for your mind to be blown.

I guess if the earth can be flat than anything is possible…. man

I spent 12 years of my life in Columbia, Mo. We called it soda, and according to this map, a county over and I would’ve been on of those hillbillies saying “Pop”, back in those days we had a lot of variety, Apple Slice, Mandarin Slice, Strawberry, Pineapple, who knows which ones I’m forgetting.

Then I moved up to Iowa, where they all said “Pop”, ridiculous. My cousin Rager, while still in diapers, had figured out how to open cans of Mt. Dew with a butter knife while he was still in diapers. Of course, this may also be the only recorded case of a baby rotting his baby teeth before his adult teeth grew in (this is a true story). His father, Kyle, has such sensitive taste buds he could tell what bottling plant had made his Pepsi (not a Coca-Cola house), my aunt wouldn’t have to slightly tear open the cases of Pepsi to make sure they were silver topped (as opposed to gold), such subtleties in the water used in bottling missed by the common man.

I don’t remember what they said when I loved in Tampa, but that is probably due to my fixation at that time of stealing comic books and 5th Avenue candy bars.

I’ve been watching a lot of Mad Men this past week, and I’d heard they smoked and drank a lot in the show, but nothing could have prepared me for just how much.

Before I moved out to Los Angeles back in ‘03, I used to come out here and visit a couple times a year.. during christmas break and I think in summer a few times, visit the fam’ and ol’ college pals. On one of these trips, Sethly Seth Manly Man (seen here on the first single by “The Lads”)said to me “Eeeeeh, you know palm trees aren’t native to Los Angeles, but there isn’t a single place you can stand without seeing one” (I’m paraphrasing)..

Well, Mad Men is very similar, there isn’t a scene where someone isn’t drinking or smoking or both. It makes me feel hungover just watching it. And they start drinking like first thing in the morning at the office, and don’t stop until bed.

I’ve got my days off to go camping in Catalina, I’m not as excited as I was yesterday. Then there is the Spain trip maybe, which just a couple months ago I was so gung ho about, instead I kind of want to go do a midwest tour, chicago to des moines, go see the family and friends, find out if my grandfather has been buried yet… now I just want to sit in a rocking chair and whittle by the pond whilst the sun sets and fireflies come out.. there is a pull in me somewhere..

I should probably stop listening to Red House Painter’s “Blindfold” right now as that doesn’t help.

Last night Jay taught us how to play craps. What a site it must’ve been if you’d been lucky enough to step into the back alley of the Short Stop…

A smoke filled alley, there at the end.. a group standing around, throwing money down while people shout out numbers..

I won 10 bucks… and fortunately I remember all the rules for playing in the future.
From the Wiki entry:

When throwing the dice, the player is expected to hit the farthest wall at the opposite end of the table. Some casinos refer to throws that do not hit the opposite wall as “Mellenberg Rolls.” Most casinos will allow a roll that does not hit the opposite wall as long as the dice are throw past the middle of the table, occasionally a short roll will be called a “no roll” due to the more controllable nature of such a roll. The dice may not be slid across the table and must be tossed. Typically, players are asked not to throw the dice higher than the eye level of the dealers.

Pretty interesting stuff… and it was surprisingly fun… I need to learn some of the techniques though, the Gamblers Fallacy technique is definitely a strongo gambling method.

Gambler’s fallacy
Other systems depend on the gambler’s fallacy, which in craps terms is the belief that past dice rolls influence the probabilities of future dice rolls. For example, the gambler’s fallacy indicates that a craps player should bet on eleven if an eleven has not appeared or has appeared too often in the last 20 rolls.
In reality, each roll of the dice is an independent event, so the probability of rolling an eleven is exactly 1/18 on every roll, even if eleven has not come up in the last 100 rolls, or if eleven has come up five times in the last five rolls. Even if the dice are actually biased toward particular results (”loaded”), each roll is still independent of all of the previous ones. The common term to describe this is “dice have no memory”.

On the way out I ran into Greg Dulli and asked if he would be the wedding singer at my upcoming wedding.. He said he may be interested, score.

also, I tried to find the etymology of “Suit Yourself” today, no dice.. snake eyes, box cars..

This has been making the blgosphere rounds lately, and I of course find it fascinating and am shocked that someone hasn’t scripted a movie about it yet.

Via StrangeMaps

In its short-lived attempt at existence, the US state of Absaroka (pronounced ab-SOR-ka) managed to acquire quite a few trappings of statehood: a governor and capital were selected, Absarokan car license plates issued, and there even was a Miss Absaroka 1939 (the first and only one). The King of Norway also visited, apparently – although he might not have suspected that it was a state visit.